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The Story
That Wednesday evening we met at a restaurant in the mall. We ordered some steaks and at some point she started to explain. As more she talked, the more confused I was. As more she talked, I started to loose hope. In an basically uninterrupted monologue she told me the story of Giuseppe. This was the first time his name popped up, the name of character that shaped and influenced our life for next few months.

On the day we met, August 15th, she said she was dumped by Giuseppe after having month long relation. She was somehow into that relation, which obviously had its own up and downs, but at that particular day, she was dumped by him in a ridiculous text message exchange. In a (un)passionate way Giuseppe let her go. So still with one foot in the door frame, the beautiful lady I met that evening on the street, was theoretically free, not taken any more. As Cherie admitted, she was just dumped and had no issue to talk with a stranger that day. However during those two weeks we started to meet, she got back to him via back channels. In his faith Giuseppe broke his leg, while visiting Italy and was very anxious to get back to the city, to ask for forgiveness and to propose to her. To my astonishment, I couldn’t believe that a guy knowing a woman for a month is going to propose and bring an engagement ring! I tried to explain it to her, that this is not a fairy tale, but a flesh and bone life, and nobody brings nowadays rings after knowing somebody for few weeks and dumping her there between. She didn’t listen.

“He needed me now… he has broken leg…And I already promise I will be around till he will be healed completely. ???
I am cancer and this is already my nature… to be there when someone needed me even though I know people around is taking advantage of me.
I dont even know how serious he was with his proposal.. or maybe he just told me that to keep me for a while bcoz he is injured ?”

In his words he insisted to came back with a broken leg and i her guilt she accepted to take care of him. She said that she made a promise and in her culture she has to keep that promise. I tried to divert her from that idea, telling her, that Giuseppe is only playing her for his own agenda and blurry vision of the relation. She didn’t listen.

I asked about myself, why those two weeks we met had no influence on her life, she said “My mind choose Giuseppe, my heart choose you. But i follow my mind”

With those words we separated. i went back to my own Alamo in the hotel and send her a picture of my face in tears. Tears were there all the night and following days. My hope for a relation with an extraordinary woman failed in a classic way. There is always somebody else. That evening we exchnage some more message with my conclusion, as a dedicated message to her “Follow the Heart, Mind will follow the Heart and I take care of both”

The outlook for the weekend wasn’t promising and so it was. With lot of doubts and questions in my head I couldn’t focus on anything. I went to movies, seen “The Angel has fallen”, but somehow couldn’t focus on the movie itself, having Cherie in my mind all the time. I tried to preoccupy myself with anything. Even went to the mall for some shopping.

On Thursday I tried to uphold the conversation with her, but the message flow from her was very sparse. I badly wanted her go back to me and to continue the creation of the relationship. No, nix, nada. Not that weekend.

On Monday, after the miserable weekend, just prior to my dinner I got a simple text message: ?

I was pretty surprised, but on the other hand I had a faith that she will return at some point sooner or later. It seems, it happened sooner then I thought. After few text exchanges, I called her and we talked for like half an hour. She wasn’t happy, not happy at all. She said that she is chocking with the relation and Giuseppe is so possessive. The other night he got drunk in his favorite night club and started to behave like an ass. As Cherie by that time were still living in her small apartment, she run away from him back there. Obviously, she got the ring from him, but was not that happy about it. In general she started to have doubts and second thoughts about him, but still in her commitment she had to stay until he heals up. Not wise decision, but nothing to do about it. Her future was in her hands and with compromising she could get the relation with Giuseppe to work in long run. From that day I I changed her description in my iPhone to Femmé Fatale.

The 4th of September was a hell of a day with lot of events. Around 5pm Cherie texted me again saying she wanted to meet. Well, somehow I expected it, but I was not sure about the agenda. I said “fine, let’s meet”, but I suggested for an early meeting, as I have scheduled an introductory date with another Asian friend. I met here briefly at the entrance to the club another day, and as Cherie but that time went to history, I was officially free to date anybody. Anyway, I suggested an early meeting as the date was scheduled for 10pm. We setup the meeting in a coffee shop, we knew was not a common place there she could be found by Giuseppe.

Shortly after 8pm I arrived to the place and found her at the upper floor of the coffee shop. She was in really bad shape, dressed in a dress, but somehow tired and scarred. Really scarred. Definitely it wasn’t same Cherie I seen last time on 28th of August in the shopping mall. We ordered some green tea and she started to tell me the story of the last few days. In addition to information I got over the phone two days ago she told me details about the rock and roll Giuseppe created for her. She told me that Giuseppe had feeling that Cherie is dating somebody beside him. She became emotionally disconnected with him, but still did not break up. She told him little bit about our relation during the time he was in Italy. He even insisted to visit a club where I took her the other day to listen for live music. He wanted to meet me there, but we just visited that place once or twice. I asked what is she going to do now? She said she need some time to think things over, maybe a week or more until he gets on his feet after heeling the broken leg.

As time was clicking and my date time was approaching, I started to rush and said I have to run. Unexpectedly she offered me a drive to meeting place. She was not aware about me going for a date, but as we approached her car I told her, that I actually going to a date with another girl. I said that she must be aware of it as it’s very inconvenient situation for me being dropped to a date by another ex-girlfriend. I didn’t feel comfortable with it. We had some further chat during the drive and we agreed that I’m going just go for the date briefly and return ASAP in order to meet her again later that night. When we arrived to the place I went of the car waving to her for goodbye. I still have the picture in my head. A blue car standing at the curb at small street and not moving away for some time. 30 seconds maybe one minute she was still there looking after me with sad face. I looked back and by that time I didn’t realize it. I was focused on the date, but she was there waiting for me to get back to the car. This was my FIRST mistake I made from day we met back in August. Sadly I realized it just a half an hour later when she text me a selfie with her crying face. I realized that I was pretty stupid to put her in the situation of dropping a guy for a date, the same guy she went to meet just few hours earlier. I realized that that day she actually opened a gate for reuniting us. A huge mistake I made.

After the date, which I rushed as fast I could I tried to call her several times. She was silent. As she said later, she went back to Giuseppe, despite a plan to meet with me for another wonderful night. I still feel bad about that day and I still see the blue car at the curb etched in my brain with her sad, crying eyes…

Already at 7am, she texted “Good morning” and said that she passed out after returning home last night. She didn’t tell though that she went back to him. She tried to explain her feelings and emotions with Giuseppe and me on the other side. Obviously at this point she had a clear picture of us both and was divided or even torn apart. On one hand a nice older good guy with lot of patience and on the other side more impulsive young stallion surrounded by lot of friends and shining around. Pretty difficult choice, even after months, differences between two of us are clear and distracted her for next few weeks. At few occasions she used to say that she is chocking with relation with him and she feels light with me. Additionally, the ring she got from Giuseppe weights heavy now and builds another guilt within her despite the guilt of having the need to support his healing.

Shortly before noon we met in my hotel, for a second time. We had good time in bed and she was very open-minded, urging to try new kinky things. Few months later I got to know that she faked her orgasm that night, however I didn’t feel like that at this that moment. Afterwards we went for a lunch and then I briefly introduced her to my daughter, who was visiting me for the weekend. We agreed that we run our own errands during the afternoon and we meet again in the evening for dinner and some clubbing.

At early evening the communication with her started to fade again. I knew that things are wrong. During the days, weeks and months of this rock and roll voyage I learned quickly to smell things being wrong just by sensing the change of her behavior. You know, the small things. She didn’t make it for dinner nor she made for the club later that night. Just past 8.30pm she dropped me few messages.

Hi … Sorry… Im in bad timing at the moment
Trying to get rid of him… im returning his ring
Bare with me…
? his possesive attitude … he dont want to accept it… he said he cant get rid of me that easy
Cant talk now. Bare with me…
Im stress and bit worried
? this is harder than I thought

Indeed, in an act of bravery and trying to free herself from Giuseppe, she made decision to return the ring and walk away. I told her that it was the wrong way of doing this and that she needs my support with this. However, she wanted to do that on her own, which I was afraid will not work as she was way to soft. We exchanged few more messages, but at that point she got convinced to stay there with Giuseppe, instead of joining me for the evening. I felt exactly the same like last weekend, dumped and left alone, despite a hope for rebuilding the relation. The fact we went to bed together just few hours earlier did not matter, or maybe it mattered in the way that gave her kick to try free herself and to return the ring. I’m not sure. As to conclusion for that night, she once again spent the day with me and night with him. So sad.

She was silent all Friday. I had time to rethink it, I started to be fed up with her and her immature approach to this relation with her immature boyfriend around. At that point of our relation the bonding from my side wasn’t that strong yet, so I believed I could just let her go. Just before 5pm I dropped her a message saying Goodbye. She replied pretty quick initially defending herself, but then she said that Giuseppe went mad last night trying to find me in the city, traveling to the places we were with Cherie together. She also said that he became verbally abusive and once again manipulated her to feel the guilt of him traveling back with his lame leg. She also realized that while he was in Italy, he got some hint that Cherie started to date somebody, by sensing changes in her and by observing her Facebook page. After one hour or so, she finished the conversation saying “I want to see you next and be with you. I’m really sad…”.

After that she went silent for few hours and came back online after 10pm again. She once again talked about the guilt and being scary about being dumped again after he heals up. She somehow started to see the things in Giuseppe, I tried to explain to her during last few days. She started to sense that not all is right with that relation and that not all Giuseppe is saying, he aims to do.


All this made me more confused. Somehow, she indicated that she wants to walk away from him, but similarly to the steps she took two days ago by trying to return the ring she was not able to quit that relation. Same today, she wanted to walk, but couldn’t. Some kind of magnet kept her there. I tried so badly to get things to work, but she kept saying “Give me a week to clear my mind”. At the end of that night I gave up and just let her be with herself. My feelings where very mixed. All from love to resignation. Maybe I needed a break as well afterwards?

This morning she surprised me with a message “It’s over. I need this week to be just alone” I understood, she finally dropped him. She said that actually he dumped her again. Again means for 3rd, 4th or 5th time, not sure anymore. As I was out of city, we couldn’t meet that day to discuss things face to face. Obviously she needed it, but we could just talk over the phone. In her voice she was very happy, relieved, waiting to hug me same time I would arrive later that evening. She wanted to start it over, reset it and I felt she was serious this time, lighten and ready. Rest of the afternoon we were in good mood, exchanging positive messages in hope for better time.

As closing to the evening, she indicated headache, still far from my arrival planned for around 11pm. Rest of the evening was related to that headache, text messages became sparse. When I landed she wasn’t there. I trusted that the headache kicked her off and she went to bed early. Unfortunately by that time I didn’t know anything about new actor called Sir John.

Sunday didn’t start well, neither ended well. She sent me a short “hello” at 6.30am following a long silence till lunch time. Still suffering from migraine, she said she can’t get out of the bed. She said that she is depressed she tries to isolate herself from anyone. She also said she is dealing with the bank issues. All this added to her stress.

Wait a moment, something didn’t add up here. Just yesterday she dropped Giuseppe or the other way, being very positive to rebuild our relation, and today she wakes up with guilt, anxiety, depression and stress. I had bad feelings. To big change in her behavior from yesterday.

At the evening it became even worse. She started to blame herself for all wrongdoing, fucking up me and him. She came to conclusion she is mentally ill and she is not able to have any kind of relation. As the conversation arise, the more I got confused, sad and angry. Once again, we are in the same pattern. Looking for reunion at the horizon and going steps back with her inability to actually kick into that relation. At the end of the day I was fed up and in a resignation, I blocked her with a goodbye message. I simply couldn’t take up more of this roller coaster mood changes, hurt feelings and waiting. I had to let her go, and so I did… Well…

Events portraited this Monday and following Tuesday are the crucial events in our lives at that time. What happened during those two days shaped the relation for some time, but only some time.

As I blocked her yesterday evening there was no communication from her. I was also out of city for business, so even if she reverted her mind, she wouldn’t be able to reach me. The thing is, I couldn’t be persisted in blocking her and not hearing anything from her. I just couldn’t. She was too much value for me, too lonely without listening to her voice, even when she was fucked up that way she said. I knew her for some time now to know that whatever happens to her is for a reason. I needed to know that reason or reasons. My analytic personality couldn’t accept a score sheet full of gaps. So I composed a message, unblocked her and sent it.

Cherie. I have been thinking abt all this. I told you once that whatever eats you I will help you with. You said once that God sent you Greg for some reason. I’m here. I can I want take care of you whatever it takes. All can be solved when you start to talk to me. We made a good connection from start and we can not just dump it. I know you are in high distress situation but let me help you. There is a huge driving force called love behind this and believe the present issues are no issues. I need you Cherie and you need me. Why would you destroy this. Let me just take care of you, please.

I will fight for you whatever it takes, as despite your present situation you are valuable person, a mother. For long time I did not met somebody like you and I need to do whatever is needed to get you in balance and to develop feelings and love. Whatever bad you feel abt yourself Is just a temporary state where you force yourself into stupid actions because you don’t see me by your side. You look for help and choose irrational solutions because you do not realize that I’m by your side to help you to get on track. Why? I know you have feelings for me and you choose to discard them. Why Cherie, why?

I need your love and you need mine. We are connected and made for each other. Whatever is bad now we can turn it into good. I want to be with you and I want you to be part of me. Please consider my help and love I have for you. A true feeling and true intentions.”

She started to talk about bank pushing her with the loan, threats her into the extend of blocking her cards and imposing legal and administrative matters. She wanted so badly go back home to see her daughter and family. She wanted to straighten the life, but due to all the events around she couldn’t. Being without job since Sept 1st, thorn between two guys with financial issues, she started to go for complete system failure. I wasn’t there, but I could feel all this. I could sense it from her voice. She was in need for acute help, here and now.

I reviewed her bank statements and 10 minutes later I cleared her outstanding loan, which was around 50% of what she owned the bank. For that moment bank needed that installment, so there would be time to negotiate rest of the loan at later point. That decision was purely spontaneous, no strings attached. I needed to cure her and to cure her I needed to clear the obstacles. One of them was the bank. I sent her the confirmation and asked her to remove it from her mind for time being in order to get her to talk about other issues. The payment of the loan and decision behind it will be play a big role in the future development of the relation, but at that point it was needed to move forward.

“I am fucked up… and I dont know why you still want me despite of whats goin on with me

I am too good that people are taking advantage of my weakness.. im so helpless.. i dont have work and i felt so powerless

Just all of these emotional distress is destroying me and really need someone to help me get out of this hell…”

I landed at 11pm and this time she was there waiting at the parking lot. She was sad, happy and with very mixed mood. We went to a crowded place, but found some isolated table at the corner. We started to talk, or rather she started to tell the story from the beginning, day by day until today. True, only True, nothing but the True. As midnight approached we moved into Day Zero.

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