“Are the things gonna be the same when I’m back?”

As November continues and soon I have to go to my homeland, I was worried what will happen when I’m away for a week. The last two days were a disaster. We started to question ourselves in terms of relation and what we really want. After she pissed me off I was kind of withdrawn, but Cherie felt me being cold. I was not, but I was somehow tired. I came few times with a call thrown up in the air “Cherie, we need to get back this relation on track!”. She was in her own world now, focused on pageant and another weekend of the contesting. I accepted her behavior, understanding her involvement in the preparations, but with time we diverted from each other.

Enough ignoring me please… we became so distant lately just because you were pissed off with me… ?

I dont feel us connected in Bed as well, lack of intimacy…im not referring to sex, but hugging and cuddling, kissing are no longer present as well.. ?‍♀?‍♀

The more you will ignore me, the more i will be distant as well. The relationship became doormant ? Live, but not actively growing

Sometimes i cant feel you when you are home… You are always busy with your Ipad. ?

 I know its difficult for you to sleep at night but at least let me feel you hugging me once… It makes me sleep so well.

As usually she drove me to airport and then I went for my long flight cross the dessert, into the green land. I cached some sleep, was thinking a lot of the relation and how it gonna develop. Still unaware of Giuseppe’s being close to her I was thinking that the time I’m away, she will use for re-thinking things and get back on track to save the relation or rather to push it further into the good. What I did not know, is that she used that time to deepen the relation with Giuseppe and plan an exit point. She tried to twist things and me to believe that I was the bad guy, not kissing her and being distant. She looked into every aspect of the missing items in our relation by me being the guilty one. At some point I started to feel bad and I looked into the mirror few times by then. I couldn’t find the bad guy in the reflection. Her mental state was so disturbed by that time, and decisions taken so irrational. I could not do anything about it, at the time I landed back in my country side.

Additionally, she once again questioned my relation with Banana, as she was worried that I will visit her and the relation with Banana will bloom again. I did not have the feelings for Banana, and frankly said I felt bad that I have to see her and spend time with Banana. On the other hand, Banana was somehow hopping for the relation, but I was really cold with her and did not communicate beyond the minimum. I don’t know what was in her head. I avoided the topics and frankly said until today I did not have a conversation with Banana about how things were that time. Not that I needed it, and probably she was to proud and sorrow to talk about. What I knew, that each time Banana send a message Cherie was not comfortable with it. Cherie couldn’t accept that fact that we exchanged messages, even if they were courtesy and sometimes she send some scans of documents which arrived with post to my old place.