We took the third test today with pregnancy tester from yet another brand. Result still negative, but no period on the horizon. She was worried and we had good reasons to visit the gynecologist after all.

Back to Jesus. Around 11 years earlier Cherie met a gentleman from Middle East and she felt in love. In big love. He was visiting her several times while still living in her home country. After a while they got married back home. The ceremony was simple and according to Muslim law with some lawyer around. Cherie said that she was not aware of actually getting married, she thought that this is a kind of legal preparation. Suddenly she became Jesus’s wife in a kind unexpected way. She did not accept the way they married as in her country wedding has to be pompous. Few months later a big wedding with lot of family around was arranged. Jesus paid all the expenses. She was happy, despite him being much older then her. She showed me the pictures from the wedding and she was even more beautiful then now with long black curly hair.

After the wedding she went do Middle East to build a life and family with Jesus. She said she really look good that guy, having face like Jesus Christ. She blindly followed and moved over there to foreign country, to different culture and different religion. She was simply in love. Being in her early twenties, she had no experience with travel and the unexpected to expect. She knew Jesus had a kid from earlier marriage. One day Jesus returned home during Ramadan and said he had some issues with his family. Cherie was confused. Next day, Jesus’s wife arrived and Cherie got to know that Jesus being married to Cherie is still married to another wife. Thanks God, or Allah, only one another wife, as to the law of his country he could have four of them. The wife and her other kids tried to find Cherie, but Jesus did not allow them to confront. He told her the true, about being married, having a relatively big family and having five kids instead of one Cherie knew about.

She was devastated by the news. Despite Jesus offering her full support, she could not understand how she got into this trap. To her defense I have to say, that being young and naïve coming from pure country, she had all the right in her inexperience to make that mistake. After all the love is blind. The wife started to threat her and pushing her away from Jesus. She told Cherie that bad things can happen and better she leaves the country. Cherie locked her up in the hotel room for few days, not walking out, nor eating. She became like a zombie, hurt and betrayed while in love. She was devastated and harm.

The events from that time still leave traces in her memory, insecurity and fear of being dumped again. What happened with Jesus has its repercussions until today, like a tsunami wave initiated thousands miles away could be sensed here and now. With each new relation, the fear for failure, for being disposed and obsolete is present. All this prevents her from getting into the relation, from involving with full heart. She is not able to grip and hold firm. She is always looking around, and she is always leaves a backdoor open. The door to escape as soon things get uncomfortable. She failed to build a family the way she had a picture of it. She wanted to have family with Jesus, Andriej and Oak Men. Later she became obsessed and felt in the trap of Giuseppe offering the same – a family. All this hunt made her blind, she was not seeing the traps nor the manipulation nor the own agenda most of man in her life had.

Even the marriage with Andriej was not real. When Cherie got pregnant she was in an unformal relation with Andriej. They were living together as a couple and the life was fine. At some point Andriej’s mother started to feel worse due to older and sickness. As a wish she wanted to see her granddaughter for the first and last time. In order to get into Europe she needed to legally became Mrs Andriej’s. In it’s simplicity and brilliant idea of the mother in law who would pass away anyway soon, Cherie became married for second time. She was able to do that as she got the divorce from Jesus. Yeah, how did she do that? According to the law of her country if wedding was proceeded accordingly to Muslim law, the local law allowed the divorce. So she was lucky enough to file for divorce with Jesus and she became free woman again. Until she married Andriej.

Jesus proved to be lying from the beginning having an active wife back in the Middle East, Oak Man played her when she went back home with another Asian girl or two. Sir John was promising to her, but still was with his wife and teenage kids, unable to offer anything then his support. Andriej once kicked her out of the apartment saying “Get out of here, bitch” and Giuseppe is next in turn to ruin her life. So how much damage must occur before she realizes that she always chooses wrong guys, not seeing the simplicity with me.