“Don’t let me feel that you are pushing me away”

Few days later, still no period, but demons came back. We started to argue about Banana again. Cherie felt bad about it. She knows I exchange some messages with her, but despite my explanations she starts to be obsessed. I tried to say once again that I have no relation with Banana, but she insist on telling her and dump her, the same way men dumped her. I defended Banana, as I knew her for few years and there were no reasons Banana could hurt us. For sure Cherie had another impression based on her experience with nasty women and the way they treated people. Once in her urgency, she even picked up my phone when Banana called and wanted to see my reaction. All the discussions in vain as, Cherie wanted to get rid of Banana ASAP.

Word to word we started to fight over the phone exchanging stupid messages, me being fed up and telling her to walk away if she feels bad, her to being jealous with Banana. The evening ended with her saying harsh “Good Bye”. As fight for her has to continue and with my nature to stay conflict free, I dropped few messages following morning, explaining once again my intentions and encouraging her not to poison herself with Banana, as Banana was far away and our future was here. We were here and now and we shall make love not war.

“Dont plant an idea in my head to drop you and walk away.
Dont let me feel that you are pushing me away.
In every argument I expect us to understand each other’s (mood)

Somehow, the above mention destabilizing the relationship.
I was asking to allow me to absorb it, and the fact that you are not updating me what’s going on bothers me.
Please refrain mentioning the above mention in each argument we have.”

I’m not sure she understood, and as time shows she did not. Banana will be around us and in her mind for long time after day 100 or more. On the other hand there was a silence regarding Giuseppe. Since hospital visit he became silent, there was no trace of him. I started to feel good with that idea, as finally once for ever he was gone. Now I know he wasn’t, he was around all the time writing her messages, poisoning her with more and more sociotechnical tricks and propaganda. A real and permanent brain washing. All the messages I was allowed to read few months later showed a picture of persisted and stubborn shark trying to bite her. Once again he used all the possible methods from begging, crying, making her guilty and jealous to threats and ultimatums. A complete study of sociopath could be made by analyzing his messages. A clinical case.

In general the atmosphere in the air was not that good. You could feel a tension and Cherie became somehow not present. I had lot of issues with the job and was travelling pretty much. One day she went to some meeting or saloon and came back late, well past midnight. By that time I was accepting her excuses, but the gaps in the communication with Giuseppe suggest she was meeting him, maybe during my absence or my travels. She slowly started to became a master of divertive actions and covering herself. I still was convinced she plays fair and I still was convinced Giuseppe went to history. Wrong. Until today I don’t know about her whereabouts at that time. Maybe one day she will share it with me.