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Down Mood
The outlook for the weekend wasn’t promising and so it was. With lot of doubts and questions in my head I couldn’t focus on anything. I went to movies, seen “The Angel has fallen”, but somehow couldn’t focus on the movie itself, having Cherie in my mind all the time. I tried to preoccupy myself with anything. Even went to the mall for some shopping.

On Thursday I tried to uphold the conversation with her, but the message flow from her was very sparse. I badly wanted her go back to me and to continue the creation of the relationship. No, nix, nada. Not that weekend.

On Monday, after the miserable weekend, just prior to my dinner I got a simple text message: ?

I was pretty surprised, but on the other hand I had a faith that she will return at some point sooner or later. It seems, it happened sooner then I thought. After few text exchanges, I called her and we talked for like half an hour. She wasn’t happy, not happy at all. She said that she is chocking with the relation and Giuseppe is so possessive. The other night he got drunk in his favorite night club and started to behave like an ass. As Cherie by that time were still living in her small apartment, she run away from him back there. Obviously, she got the ring from him, but was not that happy about it. In general she started to have doubts and second thoughts about him, but still in her commitment she had to stay until he heals up. Not wise decision, but nothing to do about it. Her future was in her hands and with compromising she could get the relation with Giuseppe to work in long run. From that day I I changed her description in my iPhone to Femmé Fatale.

Few days later, still no period, but demons came back. We started to argue about Banana again. Cherie felt bad about it. She knows I exchange some messages with her, but despite my explanations she starts to be obsessed. I tried to say once again that I have no relation with Banana, but she insist on telling her and dump her, the same way men dumped her. I defended Banana, as I knew her for few years and there were no reasons Banana could hurt us. For sure Cherie had another impression based on her experience with nasty women and the way they treated people. Once in her urgency, she even picked up my phone when Banana called and wanted to see my reaction. All the discussions in vain as, Cherie wanted to get rid of Banana ASAP.

Word to word we started to fight over the phone exchanging stupid messages, me being fed up and telling her to walk away if she feels bad, her to being jealous with Banana. The evening ended with her saying harsh “Good Bye”. As fight for her has to continue and with my nature to stay conflict free, I dropped few messages following morning, explaining once again my intentions and encouraging her not to poison herself with Banana, as Banana was far away and our future was here. We were here and now and we shall make love not war.

“Dont plant an idea in my head to drop you and walk away.
Dont let me feel that you are pushing me away.
In every argument I expect us to understand each other’s (mood)

Somehow, the above mention destabilizing the relationship.
I was asking to allow me to absorb it, and the fact that you are not updating me what’s going on bothers me.
Please refrain mentioning the above mention in each argument we have.”

I’m not sure she understood, and as time shows she did not. Banana will be around us and in her mind for long time after day 100 or more. On the other hand there was a silence regarding Giuseppe. Since hospital visit he became silent, there was no trace of him. I started to feel good with that idea, as finally once for ever he was gone. Now I know he wasn’t, he was around all the time writing her messages, poisoning her with more and more sociotechnical tricks and propaganda. A real and permanent brain washing. All the messages I was allowed to read few months later showed a picture of persisted and stubborn shark trying to bite her. Once again he used all the possible methods from begging, crying, making her guilty and jealous to threats and ultimatums. A complete study of sociopath could be made by analyzing his messages. A clinical case.

In general the atmosphere in the air was not that good. You could feel a tension and Cherie became somehow not present. I had lot of issues with the job and was travelling pretty much. One day she went to some meeting or saloon and came back late, well past midnight. By that time I was accepting her excuses, but the gaps in the communication with Giuseppe suggest she was meeting him, maybe during my absence or my travels. She slowly started to became a master of divertive actions and covering herself. I still was convinced she plays fair and I still was convinced Giuseppe went to history. Wrong. Until today I don’t know about her whereabouts at that time. Maybe one day she will share it with me.

The following days were pretty mellow, time went quick and each of us was involved in some duties. We found time to go for a dinner with bunch of friends. A guy posing to clown was making funny “sculptures” from the rubber tubes looking like colorful sausages. We got one in the shape of big red heart and somebody took a memorable picture of us two with the heads in this heart.

Following day Cherie went for some photo session at the pool for the incoming pageant contest that would run again soon. She was really into it, trying to show her off and build self-confidence by attending. After all, being judged by others was not easy. At that time at the pool we also had some private session with yet another memorable photo. As we talked some time earlier I tried to convince her to read books as she was not much into reading, so we went to some bookstore in the mall and she picked up a book by Cathy Kelly. I hope she will start to read it and enjoy.

From Psycho’s letters:

Yesterday everybody told me: you look really amazing today, you look fresh, lighter….

Yes I had really good time this weekend.

I had really a lot of fun with Jeen, she is so cute and she made me really really horny yesterday.

I was so hard and she so hot… so what happened is that, she “invited” me to do not stop, don’t stop don’t stop Giuseppe… I came inside her and now everything is gonna change.

She let me understand she would be glad to get married with me. And this is going to make the difference.

Myself I was raised with books around. As far I remember I always was in the bookstore and even visited antique bookstores when young, looking for specific book of my area of interest. My father used to give me money for books every Saturday and I went to shop for anything of interest. I was able to read books already being five years old and by joining elementary school, I had my favorite book series and authors, among them Astrid Lindgren. The habit of reading remained until today, I still buy books and then I buy the same books for my iPad to read ofline. Some books never gets to iPad so I store them on the shelf waiting to read at some point in my life.

The lawyers sent the documents for proceeding her divorce. After few changes she sent them back. The only thing remaining was to transfer the funds for them to start the proceedings and clear her issues with loan and travel ban. So far the bank being quiet and the last offer from their side was good. Somehow in the heat of the days passing, the bank went to down in priority list.

With that time, we approached 15th of October – our second month since we met. We had some small dinner, nothing big, hope was there and future looked bright. Giuseppe was absent and all was calm. Really? Don’t be lured. The hell would start soon. BTW, the period came, few weeks late, but finally she got it.

As we speak, the bank came back with the question, how is she going to solve the remaining outstanding loan. In an email they said they will pursue her and impose legal restrictions unless she is paying the loan in full. She talked with them, but she been soft. I said I will take it from there. Next day I called them saying I’m Cherie’s legal adviser, well somehow I was, but not in the legal way. Anyway I talked with some Indian girl which tried to tell me all the bad things will happen to Cherie when she is not going to repay the loan. I was laughing at her and said, that instead of coming with threats, she rather came with some viable proposal. I then refereed to the last one from few weeks back in order to make a deal with her of the 30%+ reduction of the amount an no interest. She said “no way” and she said she do some ridiculous discount of 5%. I said I can give her what we agreed last time and if she want’s that it’s fine. She said she will came back. 

I was traveling again next day or two and Cherie was on the move with her clothes from her old apartment to my place, or rather our place. I don’t know how she fit all the stuff in that old place as the amount of shoes and clothes was huge. Anyway, I was happy not to be involved in all this, as it would ruin my day seeing all the stuff being thrown into our place in a big mess. Somehow she methodically arranged things. She even moved the furniture around, few times in order to find a good layout. She had some art skills and exceptionally the remade apartment looked much better.

I have to admit when we moved in I hacked into the main building’s IT infrastructure, as the internet they provided was a crap. I also complained to the administrator about the speed and the bandwidth offered and wanted them to review the policy. I knew they are restricting users by limiting the speeds, so I bypassed that. After all I was studying IT and specifically, networking was not a big issue for me to solve and get here and there uninvited. Unfortunately, that day, when I was away an IT guy visited in order to review our complain and see what is wrong with our internet access. In my disbelieve Cherie told him that I switched some cables and now the internet is fine. Before I could react and tell her how to lie to him she told him the story. The guy was smart enough, replaced the cables and somehow kept silent, maybe leaving the knowledge for himself about what I did. Hi did not report it further to land lord or administrator. Any way before knowing that, I was pissed off with Cherie, to why in earth is she telling him the true when obviously we did something illegal. From word to word we went to fight over the phone and rest of the day was silent, she even didn’t want to join for lunch.

From yesterday we switched from WhatsApp to iMessages, not sure why we didn’t do that before as we both used iPhones, but somehow with Apple’s native communicator the message exchange was more rightful for me.

After the fight we got around and went to cinema to watch Will Smith in “Gemini Men”. I saw in the past the movie industry make actors to pretend to be older in some scenes, but here they went the other way, making Will younger. Incredible effect and great job. Later I seen the same good job of making Al Pacino, DeNiro and Joe Pesci younger in the latest movie of Martin Scorsese’s “Irishman”. I hope they could do the same to me, to match much younger Cherie.

From Psycho’s letters:

“I really do not know what is in your mind…..

The only thing I know is that he has put you in a sort of jail in order to keep you with him. Helping you with the divorce bla bla…. Everything is made to keep you under him. And the problem is that you have a feeling for him.

You have a feeling for him Cherie, FUCK! I know you… you will never have the power to run away from him. As you have ever told me, every time is the man who do not chooses you over all….

And both of us know that he will always fight to have you, because you are more beautiful than him, he is old and you still young… com’on he will do his best to keep you in jail….

An you don’t have enough power to escape. I’m the only one who can help you to escape from the jail he created for you. But you do not accept my help to escape because you have a feeling for him. Cherie, whatever he is doing for you, can be done by me. But you still prefer him.

I saw the picture of you and him in the swimming pool…. FUCK, where is the match?? Com’on Cherie, you are lying to yourself.

I’m so sad tonight, I cannot sleep, my heart is running, same like you said to MJ, I’m going to get drunk.. I know it is not a good thing, but I cannot sleep.

She had another photo shutting around the city. The pictures were really great. She started to talk more about the upcoming pageant contest. I saw the advert and the prices were great. Knowing she is beauty she could win, but all the flashing around was not really my thing. I rather keep her beauty to myself and get her to focus on our relation than on contesting. She was very much into this and changing her mind would be impossible so I had to live with that idea.

Day by the went and basically the story would stop here, as with regular couple we had good days, mellow days and some occasional disagreements. Nothing unusual for a two people knowing each other for 2 months. So, in awaiting our first Christmas coming soon and her contest we looked forward for some good life. We talked much, did not exchange much of iMessages. Time was good. But as in bad times of war and the intelligence of diplomacy she kept back channels open. Shark was just around the corner pushing and waiting. Me completely unaware of it.

When October approached it’s end Cherie was preparing for upcoming Halloween event. She did some great make-up proposals to be used following day and she was dragging me to that Halloween party. I wasn’t fully ready, last few days were heavy at my job and I needed to spend the evening in catching up some computer job. So, she went there alone with friends. Still during that evening she was asking few times if I want to join. I did not.

Few days earlier lady from the bank was on hotline with me, still being Cherie’s advisor I said that we are able to pay the agreed amount, but she said she is not able as we did not respond in time to the first call of having that big discount. So, we agreed for some 25%+ off and she accepted it. She was to prepare the paper work to finally close the deal. However a day or two later she came with an answer that her boss did not accept the deal and we have to go back to different amount. I said, “after my dead body” and talked to her boss. I told him either he comes back with original agreement which I agreed with the Indian lady or he go fish. I literally said that “Go fish, and If you don’t accept the deal we agreed to, Cherie upon my advise will not repay a penny and you can stay with that bad bank load until end of fiscal year”. He said it’s not possible, and I said “Have a nice day” – asshole. Don’t worry he will be back few days later.

As I said, I had some issues at my work and was somehow mentally absent. Simple I did not listen to her. She was inquiring me about the issues, but I was blaming all on the job. She needed some support and focus from my side, but I was pretty bad with that at that time. She said I sound cold in my messages, but maybe I just was myself, always being a bit cold and isolated. Cherie added the warm in the relation, so what’s else is needed. I’m here for her and I support her, shall be enough, no? I believed in this by that time. Obviously wrongly, but we get wise just after we made the mistakes, not before. Just a day before Halloween she went to register herself with that pageant contest, me not being there. She said that there were finally some 16 girls and maybe two or three had some chances according to her. She was content, she is able to reach the top. The contest should go next weekend and she needed to prepare some outfit and get ready for that.

From Psycho’s letters:

So, why are we far?? Because of the fucking annulment… com’on i’m able to get contracts of millions of dollars dealing directly with the government of the united states of america and you think that i’m not able to do the paperwork of a fucking annulment??

Being less supportive to Cherie this time, her communication to Giuseppe raised. They were in daily email exchange and a plan started to grow in her sick mind. She was planting an idea of build family with Giuseppe and she was pushing him towards acceptance. It took me few more weeks to get the knowledge about all this, but the story would not be consistent without knowing the state of mind of Cherie at that time. She took up all the subjects with him, including our dealings with lawyer and many other private issues. Like with the ghosts and evils coming from the mist during the Halloween day, she started to show her second face, conspiring behind my back. She became a small devil herself. A devil to last there for a good time forward.

The bank manager called me and we finally made a deal. Still he was barging, I said several time – no. Eventually he agreed to the amount I agreed with his Indian lady. She was to send the agreement and upon that I supposed to wire the money. At least that was clear.

After the Halloween and the registration she started to became colder. I don’t know if it was due my coldness towards her and as revenge she wanted to show the same attitude, but things started to be different. We had small disagreements here and there and she became tense. I’m very good at noticing it, but at that time, in my believe she is committed, I was lured that things are ok and the tension is due to my work issues, less support and her upcoming competition. On the other hand she was pointing out me being cold and missing my hugs and running in bed to the other side, instead of sleeping close to her. Somehow I felt more comfortable sleeping separated from her, as it was either to hot or to uncomfortable for me to be close to her all the time we were sleeping. She had that need, me not. That added to the misunderstandings.

I was happy with you Giuseppe, A bit of stress from the situation of the apartment we are staying with, but as long as Im with you I can stay and waited till you recover and move to our new apartment.

But when you told me “I cant stay with a woman like you, a bitch” my world collapsed when you told me that. I was devastated, because of all the people I trusted to help me was YOU but you dumped me. And That’s really sad, because I love you and I want a life with you. Everything has changed since I heard those words from you.

I am being honest with you about my financial issues, and I didn’t want you to think that I am staying with you because of your money. That’s the reason why I ran to Mr.Grey and ask for his help.

Giuseppe was around the corner at that time. Still in email exchange the plan started to go in motion. As long she resisted him all October, she now started to be involved in a cold blood calculated plan. Until that registration day, all was ok, despite some issues time to time, but as she later admitted, Giuseppe was there, when she registered. Further in his sociopathic way he was one of the fundraisers and organizers of that pageant event. Basically, he created a honey pot, and he knew she will walk into the trap. He knew she is much into those things and it was a very good way to get closer to her. He could not accept her rejection of him and defending the relation with me. As much she defended us, he was pushing more. So he created the contest and she has been forced to meet him. In his sick mind he achieved what he wanted and she started to flow with that idea of creating family together with Giuseppe.

I was traveling for a short trip this morning and should be back in the evening. In the afternoon she dropped me a message “Tonight is the introduction of the glamour girls –  Its conflict now” Obviously she couldn’t pick me up from airport. She needed to be there. On the other hand she could pick me up and we could go together to the venue. Time was still there and she would make it. Later she sent few message and said “Event will start soon.. i will not be able to send you msg now”. She came home around 2:30am, me already asleep. Not unusual time for the contest to end. The following morning we looked at the pictures. Despite to heavy make-up she looked great. She said that the introduction went well and they will go to contest on coming Friday. She needed to fix some additional outfit and she will be ready. She asked if I goanna join? I said, “Maybe”, probably meaning “No, thank you”. Anyway, as I said earlier, it was not my thing, so If I could skip it, it would be great. Maybe she would understand, I’m not big fun and maybe she would focus more on us then flashing her ass around.

I needed her help with setting up some side office, and as she knew some people, I asked her to get me in touch with some friends. She recommended some company where her friend was working and tried to setup the meeting. I still had the impression that things are cold not only from my side, but from her as well. Her mind was away. I could not reach her, and I as was travelling the contact was limited. Somehow she was absent. I’m not sure if it was my fault or she just showed off. Anyway, the bad times arrived and we have been arguing more and more. I was convinced it’s about my coldness, but she became cold as well, unfocused.

From Psycho’s letters:

Tonight I dumped everybody!

I dumped Jenny, Bella and not only them… Really I dumped everybody because I’m so painful… and sadness is killing me.

I told Jenny I want to go back Italy that’s why I’m dumping her, she told me she will come in Italy, she immediately spoke with someone in order to get her Shengen VISA… fuck she is a woman of actions, but… I don’t fucking care about anything, I took the car back and sent her to hell.

I dreamt to have a family with you, I’m ready to love your daughter exactly as she was my daughter, she WILL BE MY DAUGHTER and we will be happy.

Still unaware for another month or so, she was progressing the plan and getting Giuseppe into it. Seems that days of November when she secretly reunited with him were fruitful as he started to change his mind about the idea of family with Cherie. Few weeks later when I met Giuseppe, and asked why he poisoned her head with the idea of family and travelling with her back home, he was truly surprised, saying “It was her idea”. I didn’t believe it… Not by that time, no.

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