Message from Cherie
“Good Morning.
There is a deep reason behind why I cant commit with the relationship. You dont know me and there are a lot of things you still dont know about me. And I am really “AFRAID” bcoz I have been traumatized of the feeling that after using me, Dumping me like a shit after. I am someone who take relationship seriously and once i am in there that’s it.
A lot of secrets you dont know still, and I am willing to open myself to you but I am scared that you might dump as well like what others did. When I told you to take it slow, its bcoz I want you to get to know me, and dig deep my darkest secrets and What I want to see from you is your willingness to accept me and my past.
I cant commit in the relation when I am not fully 100% open to you. And the process of opening myself is like a remembering/recalling the nightmares and bad experiences that I had from the past. Its not easy to recall something that damage you from the beginning… and who I am today is still a damage person bcoz I always met people whom I trusted to help me get through it, they will stay from the start but will eventually dump me when they know how damage I am.
Commit now, and dump me on the process. So Im more cautious this time, bcoz heartbreaks is damaging me even more. Its not only about finances… after few relationship from the past….this is about something in my head that traumatized me and That I need to guard my heart this time. I trust so easily for that reason people took advantage of me…. telling me there promises but will dump me later after using me for sex.
What you have known about me is not just 50% of myself. If I will tell you more, I dont know if you still want me after. Take it slow, Its not easy opening your darkpast to someone.”
I was exchanging messages to Sir John who’s currently on vacation. I was confused of what he wants from me, just 2 days back he told me to start search for a job as he will lay-off some staffs but today I received an indecent offer from him as well as helping my best friend to move in the Sin City.
As much as I want to help my best friend to move in the same city with me through the help of my Boss, But the proposal was indecency. But Now, I am trap of the situation that if I will refuse I will be kick out from the company anyway. To accept it or not? This is stressing me even more.
I sent message to Giuseppe. I lied to him, I told him that I was one of the few who’s been removed from the company and 31st August is my last working day. I told him about it that way as I want to know how sincere he was on supporting me financially. He was making sure that I will be well provided once he lands in Sin City. I hold on to that promise, and so the next day I handed over my resignation to run away from my Boss.
On the other hand, a developing strong mental and emotional connection with Mr. Grey was somehow disregarded, and so I sent him a long message, stating him few reasons why I can’t commit a relationship with him.