Browsing Category

“Good Morning.

There is a deep reason behind why I cant commit with the relationship. You dont know me and there are a lot of things you still dont know about me. And I am really “AFRAID” bcoz I have been traumatized of the feeling that after using me, Dumping me like a shit after. I am someone who take relationship seriously and once i am in there that’s it.

A lot of secrets you dont know still, and I am willing to open myself to you but I am scared that you might dump as well like what others did. When I told you to take it slow, its bcoz I want you to get to know me, and dig deep my darkest secrets and What I want to see from you is your willingness to accept me and my past.

I cant commit in the relation when I am not fully 100% open to you. And the process of opening myself is like a remembering/recalling the nightmares and bad experiences that I had from the past. Its not easy to recall something that damage you from the beginning… and who I am today is still a damage person bcoz I always met people whom I trusted to help me get through it, they will stay from the start but will eventually dump me when they know how damage I am.

Commit now, and dump me on the process. So Im more cautious this time, bcoz heartbreaks is damaging me even more. Its not only about finances… after few relationship from the past….this is about something in my head that traumatized me and That I need to guard my heart this time. I trust so easily for that reason people took advantage of me…. telling me there promises but will dump me later after using me for sex.

What you have known about me is not just 50% of myself. If I will tell you more, I dont know if you still want me after. Take it slow, Its not easy opening your darkpast to someone.”

In addition to all the issues raised up last two days, more ware to come. Seems Cherie became Mrs Broke, in addition to Mrs Broken. Seems her financial position became unstable, with an unemployment at the horizon. Debts for credit cards, outstanding loan, all from the good times prior Oak Man. A real disaster. Thousands of dollars.

“I am fucked up. And This is what I need you to understand… Call me a high class hooker or what ever you name it… I have a daughter to feed back home… I cant go home empty handed either…. And I dont know how long I will not have job and I have financial issues… I needed to survive”

Cherie started to collapse in my eyes, she became moody, angry, disappointed, guilty and she tried to push me away despite the reached hand towards her. I was helpless and hopeless. Couldn’t do anything, just watched her fighting with emotions and destiny.

With each day I started to see her fall down and her resignation. I did not understand why things are like that, why she was heading towards self destruction. That day, which I realized far later, she was escaping, backing off, exiting or running away from relation as an remedy for the issues. It was a sad day, but somehow fight for her must go on.