This afternoon we exchanged few long messages. I tried to understand her, but my brain was not absorbing anything else. I got even more confused, after the replay for my long message I wrote last afternoon. In a calm way I explained myself and all my rational and probably irrational actions behind. I produced really beautiful, genuine and “true, only true, nothing but the true” piece of paper and sent it to her. She replied some time after with another long letter. I sent it my daughter once again, as it sounds completely different then the first one. Like two different people were writing it. As one came from Dr. Jekyll and the other from Mr. Hyde. There was nothing consistent between both of them, except they were referring to the same relation and break up. My daughter was also confused and suggested one of them was written under influence of Giuseppe, while the other was true. We concluded the later one has to be true as the first one referred to “US”, meaning she and him was composing it. Few weeks later I learned the opposite.

I didnt have the intention to leave you Grey, That’s why im still with you until you packed my stuffs…

 I am still hoping we could fixed it…I am confused Yes, and Opening my heart to you that night was to asked your forgiveness for what I have done…Yes, I am not talking, Because I dont know how to start the conversation with you knowing that you are cold with me and distant, as well you are preoccupied with your work issues.

I wanted to asked forgiveness for the wrong I did to you, I wanted to tell you everything what happened, when did it start and how did it happen.. How I let the shark get in to my life again. And I was expecting that you will still forgive me the same way you take my hand when the first time you found out about the car, he gave me back the ring and we returned it back….. But to my surprised, you packed my stuffs instead.

I replied with “Cherie, I can only ask you to return and take lesson of this. How fucked up it looks, obviously you and me have feelings. I have seen all the mistakes and i believe you did too. I’m bending my head and ask you for be with me and I will protect this relation until the end of my life.” I was now returning to the events of the night of 5/6 December that leaded to her departure. I have to admit that I made a mistake and was too quick with my actions. Remember, as soon she named Giuseppe’s name, I stared to pack her and she didn’t say a word since that until she was out of the door. Stupid me. What if it’s true? What if she really wanted to beg and ask for forgiveness? What if I was too hasty and instead of giving her time to talk and explain, I just kicked her out? All sort of questions started to build up in my head. After a while it get into my head, that I made a mistake by letting her go, instead of having patience. My intuition deceived me and that made me sad.

We got involved in further text exchange and she said, she was kicked out and didn’t know what to do with herself. If all she says is true, why she chooses to drive to Giuseppe, instead of staying somewhere else? Going to hotel, a friend or even stay in car few hours and rethink? Instead she drives away to Giuseppe direct, like previously she called him directly after accident back in October. Her explanations rise a hope within me, but how genuine are her explanations? How many times earlier she twisted things? I went to sleep and tried to understand what all this is about.